Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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