I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
