i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
