You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
