definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize