Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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