my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
