Jerry, you need to find god
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
