I'm jealous of your bromance
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
