The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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