Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
