THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
