So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
