Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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