in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
