the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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