we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dick very happy bro
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
