In the future we'll all be gay
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What a dumb baby whore.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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