Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
