I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize