Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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