Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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