Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
