pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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