i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
