I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
