Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
