In the future we'll all be gay
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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