I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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