Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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