when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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