no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
