"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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