I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize