I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
