Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
