She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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