Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
