hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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