In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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