I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
