the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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