i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
third nipple confirmed
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
