I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This baby is an asshole
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk is not a location!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
