I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
