I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
