elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
