I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
