just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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