I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize
