Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
