wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize