May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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