the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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