i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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