Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
