we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
