I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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