Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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