do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
