dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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