We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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