Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
