Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
