Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So much rum. So many feels.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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