I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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