Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
