All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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