I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
