Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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