yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
