My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
