i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
